Thursday, December 29, 2011

In sickness and in health. And politics.

A few things in life are certain - powercuts, endless re-runs of Masterchef and me falling sick at least once every time we're given a study vacation.

The cold and fever this time round were pretty bad, but while I was lying in front of the TV and secretly thanking God for no longer having to feel guilty about not studying SPM, I found the perfect entertainment to pass the time away. In the news channels of all places. Reality television has never been as interesting as the lower house of Parliament was yesterday!

They had it all - starting with a sentimental intro from the PM about how the nation's "waiting with baited breath for the collective wisdom of this august House". Ryan Seacrest himself couldnt have put it any better. Despite all the buildup, I'm sure that no one besides sick people like me with nothing else to do, fasting 70-year olds in Mumbai and the national news channels even knew what was going on, but then that's typical of a reality show anyway.

There were moments of epic comedy, like when Shashi Tharoor's speech for drowned out for a couple of seconds by shouts of "IPL!" from the background. And then there was high drama, when the Left 'strategically' walked out right near the end of the show (though I personally think they were just sleepy and bored, more than anything else. It was past 10 anyway. The looks on their faces seemed to confirm my suspicions). By now the place was already half empty, because a lot of people decided to go to bed (aka "walk out"), leaving only the Congress and BJP to sit and glare at each other. I suppose everyone else had curfews, and  honestly, which sane person would ever believe them if they said Parliament was working overtime?

Finally, to top it all off, at past 11 in the night, whoever was still left was asked to vote. "All in favour say Aye" was the call to arms. A thundering war cry that sounded more like "Dei!" was what followed. And with that, the Lokpal bill was passed (in Parliamentary language, "the eyes have it, the eyes have it"). If it were up to me, I'd renew the show for season 2 based on just that one moment.

But every good TV show needs a solid twist at the end followed by a black screen with the words "to be continued" in the middle. And this twist came when the second bill did not go through (in Parliamentary language, "the nose have it, the nose have it"). This immediately prompted someone to throw a tantrum and say that it was a sad day for democracy. They say it aint over till the fat lady sings. But in Parliament it aint over till someone says its a sad day for democracy.

Unfortunately as I write this, I realised that I'm feeling much better than I did yesterday, which means that there is, unfortunately, a lot of SPM in my immediate future. Perhaps its not too late to catch another cold from somewhere.

Monday, December 12, 2011

My brain gives me career advice through the years


1st standard – I’m gonna be a train driver! I’m gonna blow the horn, I’m gonna go fast, I’m gonna take people places, I’m gonna stop at stations, I’m gonna be a train driver!
2nd standard – Green is my favourite colour. Signal lights are green. Trains have signal lights. I like trains.
3rd standard to 5th standard – Too busy watching Nickelodeon to care
6th standard – Wow physics is boring. I like plants. I like gardening. I’ll be a botanist.
8th standard – Wow physics is so interesting! I’ll be an engineer.
9th standard – Who wants to go around pouring concrete and cement together? I’ll be this awesome doctor person who’ll just sit in his chair and not do any work
10th standard – “Oh hi! Hey you’re bleeding. YOURE BLEEDING! Don’t come near me!!”
11th standard – Ok so blood isn’t my thing. Heyy! Genetics! That’s got biology, that’s got plants, that’s got maths. It’s perfect!
12th standard – Botany is stupid.  Zoology is stupid. Biology is stupid. Maths is fun. Physics is fun. Engineering it is.
College application time – WHY are there so many different types of engineering! Everyone’s taking ECE, my friend’s taking EEE, my father’s telling me to take chemical engineering and not even think about civil engineering. And chemical engineering sounds so… um… insanely boring (to put it mildly).
I think I better just take medicine.
1st year – This is way better than I expected. No lessons about cows and plants and what not.
3rd year – Oh great, now there are lessons on insects and latrines
Last Saturday – The following is a sequential representation of what happened to me while I was watching someone’s dressing being changed on their first post-op day







I would've been such an awesome train driver.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

My ENT textbook just trolled me

The generally accepted definition for epistaxis is "Bleeding from the nose"

But Dhingra's textbook of ENT defines it as "Bleeding from inside the nose" (italics not added by me)