For the past couple of months I have begun to start showing the classical signs of long-term unemployment, reflected by a sleep cycle that swings from anywhere between 5 am and 5 pm (sometimes extending a complete 12 hours) and over-grown unkempt hair that a crow could easily mistake for a nest.
Given that I now have an infinite amount of time to ponder about the mysteries of life, the universe and everything, I decided to get myself an HIV test. Before your imaginations run wild, let me clarify that I've worked with a lot of blood during internship, and sometimes been less careful than I should have been.
This would probably be a good time to describe myself. I am thin. Very thin. Some call it malnourished, emaciated and anorexic, but these are just jealous fat people. Incidentally, weight loss of more than 10% qualifies as Stage 3 HIV, as per the World Health Organisation. Added to this, my erratic sleep cycle means I'm quite sleep-deprived if I have to venture into the outside world during the day. In short, if you ever meet me, I look like the textbook description of an HIV-positive cocaine-smoking drug addict.
(I'm sure that paragraph made some of the ladies swoon)
I walked into the lab, and, being sufficiently vague since there were people around me, told the lady at the counter that I'd like to take a blood test. I don't fault her for asking "Which one?". I said the word "HIV" loud enough for the guy standing next to me to hear. Despite his shock at just being told that the tests in his prescription would cost him 3.5K, he looked even more shocked at what I had just said. I proceeded to say that I was a 23-year old, without a prescription, presenting for testing voluntarily and without a referral.
I probably looked quite suspicious at this point because the nurse who drew the blood was totally cold shouldering me. None of the usual "So what did you have for lunch?" or "Don't worry this won't hurt" lines. The only thing she actually said to me was "You can go". Hand gestures sufficed for everything else.
Obviously I could've just said upfront that I was a doctor, and probably even gotten myself a discount, but hey, where's the fun in that right? It's not everyday that you have the pleasure of switching roles with a drug dealer.
Anyway, that was two days ago. Today I get to resume pondering about the mysteries of life, the universe and everything.
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| PS. I like the way they say "Please" at the end |
