Every admission day, my ward usually gets an assortment of cases - chest pain, hand pain, leg pain, finger pain, head pain, back pain and even tooth pain. Generally they come in their hundreds as a barbarous mob of angry (and allegedly sick) men and women all vying for the attention of 3-4 doctors (plus me) in what we call our Out-Patient Department.
This is fine.
What is not fine is when a guy drinks the night away, and then wakes me up at 3.00 in the morning to say his stomach hurts.
But even this is still tolerable. I just give him an antacid, tell him to go to sleep in whichever part of the floor he feels is least dirty, inform him that I will physically hurt him with a needle if he wakes me up again, and I can "abscond" him first thing in the morning.
[To abscond someone is to tell them "You're fine! See how much better you are now! You can go home today. Here, have a B-complex tablet! Cheers!"
The patient will then thank you profusely, say an almost tearful goodbye, think he's been discharged, and then leave. This is when you write in his case-sheet "Patient absconded", fold it up, and send it to the Medical Records Department]
But the worst type of "patients" are the nitwits who decide (usually while drunk) that it would be a good idea to ingest something poisonous. There's always at least 4-5 such geniuses everyday. Their choice of poison is a testament to their intellect. Even drunk people should know that rat-killer poisoning isn't even potent enough to kill rats.
Generally there isn't too much to be done for poisoning cases. They're welcomed to the hospital in the Emergency Room by a bunch of sour-tempered paramedical workers who yell, scream and slap them till a tube inserted into one of their nostrils reaches their stomach. They then proceed to rinse their bowels like yesterday's dirty laundry, yell at them some more, and then send them to the ward, where they're made to languish for a full 24 hours with no food or water and with their nasogastric tube draining disgusting yellow secretions from their insides.
I don't mind most poisons. If you want to willfully try to hurt/kill yourself, then be my guest. Just have the decency to do it somewhere where it won't affect me.
This is why I hate people who come with organophosphorous poisoning. Other poisons don't affect me. Organophosphorous poisoning does. These idiots need to be given up to SEVENTY vials of medication plus fluids - immediately. And this medication then makes them go into a delirium which means they start pulling out IV lines and creating general havoc. All this, while simultaneously having violent diarrhoea in a ward that already smells like the inside of a large intestine.
Some of the patients are nice enough to die before they reach the ward. Others die as soon as they reach the ward. Some others die right after you've put in about fifty vials of medication.
I think this is what is wrong with the world today. We lack an ideal poison - one that's cheap and will kill you faster than an Avada Kedavra. That way everyone's happy. Whoever wants to die can just die. And I can sleep on admission days. I think someone needs to start researching this ASAP.
And once all this drama has settled, the alcoholic guy in the corner will decide to once again remind you that his stomach still hurts. A few intentionally failed attempts at inserting an IV line will usually shut him up.
This is fine.
What is not fine is when a guy drinks the night away, and then wakes me up at 3.00 in the morning to say his stomach hurts.
But even this is still tolerable. I just give him an antacid, tell him to go to sleep in whichever part of the floor he feels is least dirty, inform him that I will physically hurt him with a needle if he wakes me up again, and I can "abscond" him first thing in the morning.
[To abscond someone is to tell them "You're fine! See how much better you are now! You can go home today. Here, have a B-complex tablet! Cheers!"
The patient will then thank you profusely, say an almost tearful goodbye, think he's been discharged, and then leave. This is when you write in his case-sheet "Patient absconded", fold it up, and send it to the Medical Records Department]
But the worst type of "patients" are the nitwits who decide (usually while drunk) that it would be a good idea to ingest something poisonous. There's always at least 4-5 such geniuses everyday. Their choice of poison is a testament to their intellect. Even drunk people should know that rat-killer poisoning isn't even potent enough to kill rats.
Generally there isn't too much to be done for poisoning cases. They're welcomed to the hospital in the Emergency Room by a bunch of sour-tempered paramedical workers who yell, scream and slap them till a tube inserted into one of their nostrils reaches their stomach. They then proceed to rinse their bowels like yesterday's dirty laundry, yell at them some more, and then send them to the ward, where they're made to languish for a full 24 hours with no food or water and with their nasogastric tube draining disgusting yellow secretions from their insides.
I don't mind most poisons. If you want to willfully try to hurt/kill yourself, then be my guest. Just have the decency to do it somewhere where it won't affect me.
This is why I hate people who come with organophosphorous poisoning. Other poisons don't affect me. Organophosphorous poisoning does. These idiots need to be given up to SEVENTY vials of medication plus fluids - immediately. And this medication then makes them go into a delirium which means they start pulling out IV lines and creating general havoc. All this, while simultaneously having violent diarrhoea in a ward that already smells like the inside of a large intestine.
Some of the patients are nice enough to die before they reach the ward. Others die as soon as they reach the ward. Some others die right after you've put in about fifty vials of medication.
I think this is what is wrong with the world today. We lack an ideal poison - one that's cheap and will kill you faster than an Avada Kedavra. That way everyone's happy. Whoever wants to die can just die. And I can sleep on admission days. I think someone needs to start researching this ASAP.
And once all this drama has settled, the alcoholic guy in the corner will decide to once again remind you that his stomach still hurts. A few intentionally failed attempts at inserting an IV line will usually shut him up.
