Sunday, March 11, 2012

So I'm a final year now. Apparently.

It is now three and a half years since I joined college. That's 43 months. Or 1315 days. Considering the fact that I am supposed to be "working" as an intern in another year, I somehow thought I would feel a little less dumb by now. I dont know what gave me such a ridiculous idea.

The last few days involved a bunch of random people whom we've never met before, asking us things that they knew we didnt know, while being visibly entertained in the process. These people are what we call external examiners. They are a kind of sub-species of the human race who delight in the sorrow and misery of others. Much like demontors, but in real life.

One of them kept mumbling something that I presume was English, but I cant say for sure. The only clear thing I heard him say to me was "You can go". Another one kept setting us random tasks, one of which was a make-shift ex-tempo acting assessment, in tamil. While I think my excellent command over the language held up quite well initially, it may have started to crumble when I told my fictional patient (translating literally) "your cochlea broke". And by the time I had got to explaining what lip-reading was, the smile on the examiner's face was so wide, I decided it was time to wind up.

And as if the externals werent bad enough, the patients that I was allotted had equally strange personalities. One mentioned quite casually that she was electrocuted 6 months ago, but she was too busy hoarding biscuits to answer any of my other questions properly. One thought I was a proper doctor and started telling me all of his life's problems. In the interest of transparency I told him that I was a third year having a final exam. He became surprisingly quiet after that. I wonder why. I proceeded to write down a previously memorised diet for him, while his son watched me fill up my paper. He apparently works at Kalaignar TV, so it is possible that I might be in the news some time.

Either way, I am finally a final year. Or third year part 2, if we're going to get technical. After a year that included "field visits" (which meant knocking on people's houses at 2.00 in the afternoon to measure the sizes of their rooms and to look inside their bathrooms), and had enough drama to take a new TV serial through at least two seasons, final year cant possibly be that bad.

I hope.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Park's Textbook Of Preventive And Social Medicine: 21st Edition

The general consensus is that this textbook is the best there is for third years.

We'll just see about that, shall we? The following are direct quotes from the book.

General dumbness/randomness/failed punch lines:
  • Insects, rodents, animals and plants are constantly working for their survival(p.35)
  • Accidents are no longer considered accidental(p.374)
  • "Use of stolen vehicles" is one of the precipitating factors for accidents(p.378)
  • Damage from accidents may be minimised by "wearing leather clothes and boots"(p.378)
  • Years wrinkle the skin, but worry, doubt, fear, anxiety and self-distrust wrinkle the soul(p.547)
  • "Times of India" listed as one of the references(p.560)
  • In Kwashiorkar, oedema is present in the lower legs and lower arms(p.591)
  • It is possible to classify individuals with reference to two poles: children with insufficient but proportioned growth and those with normal height, but who are wasted(p.591)
  • Nations and civilisations are linked together not only by ideas but also by bread(p.602)
  • Anger can cause a person to be rude and sarcastic(p.625)
  • The traditional barber is called a nai(p.636)
  • The arithmetic mean may look ridiculous(p.786)
  • "Noise, invisibility, congestion" are barriers to communication(p.795)
  • Newspaper readers are often seeking newspapers(p.805)
Technical errors:
  • Guinea worm disease is a public health problem in India(p.722)
  • Toxoplasmosis is classified as a virus (p.262)
  • Earliest sensation affected in leprosy is light touch(p.288)
  • Psoriasis is a hospital-acquired infection(p.333)
There are too many typos to list, but the book did end up calling affluent societies "effluent societies"

But then lets forget all of these minor infractions for a minute, for to err is human after all (though to err this much for 21 editions is indicative of either extreme ineptitude or an underlying organic brain lesion). 

There are bound to be several excellent uses for this book, though only a few come to mind:
  • It can be used to line the bird cage and collect droppings
  • You can point and laugh at any poor soul who's stuck reading it
  • It is sturdy enough to be used as a murder weapon